Can be a good thing at some points, can be a bad thing as well
She has been fighting to live for her whole life. The disease stopped her from being who she was. It requires her to maintain her emotions. Not in a good way. She is not allowed to be too happy, too sad, or too excited. The body receives false signal which will lead her closer to death each time.
The pain was unbearable. But then she is not allowed to be sad. She had to bear with it. The meds ease the pain. But it makes her skinnier. It makes her legs swollen. It makes her face bloated. Her hair was falling one by one every minute. Her body turns reddish. And lesions appeared everywhere. But it did not kill her.
Cause she had something to fight for. She had someone to live for.
But we knew everything has its limit. It is the time for her to give up and let go of things. She stopped fighting, cause she did not want us to fight with her. She could bear the pain, but she knew we can’t. I just want to let her know, we love her. Forever.
Rest peacefully, Mbak Maria Indrarani. We love you.
My best friend asked me today, “Beb, if we could go back to this very time of the year last year would you choose differently? Looking those much pain you’ve gone through for the past 2 weeks out of something you basically earned last year.”
And i said, “No, i still would have chosen the same thing. The problem is not how i made my choice back then, but how i’ve been doing these past two weeks.”
I remember my Dad said, “Never ever regret the future you get to choose today.” So yeah.
I have the future i want to live in on mind, and so far everything seems to be in its place, and if by getting everything in my life properly arranged according to what i believe is the best get me into so much pain. I am not regretting anything.
So it is like winning the game but you still might or you might not be happy. And that’s fine.
I thought that breaking up is just one of the phases that one should go through in life. In fact, you shouldn’t unless you have to. Cause it leaves you pain, and after all the pain and the tears, the fear, the long process of getting back on your feet, you still might —and might not get the lesson learned.
I thought getting your heart broken is normal, everybody is like “been there, done that”, well it’s not. Abnormalities more than 1% in the population is called polymorphism, and it is still not normal. Can not be called normal in any way.
So does being heartbroken. It is not normal, if it happens to you, somebody has made a mistake; it might or might not be you.
I hate jerks and douchebags. They’re breaking people’s hearts, and think it’s fine. Actually, it’s not. And i just wish that no one in this world will end up with them, unless both are jerks and can come up with the idea of jerking the future, or those jerks change into a decent people that get the lessons learned from their past mistakes, actually feel guilty about it, and plan not to make the same mistakes in the future.
I have this random thought, which one is better: someone who met you when you were just you, but then as time goes by, that person a little by little changes you, into someone who actually better but just unlike the old you; or someone who met you after you changed into someone better and as time goes by that person changes nothing cause you’re just exactly what that person has been looking for. Which one is better?
The changes made are just the same between the two scenarios, the different is only when you meet that someone, so is it better to meet this person before you change or after?
It’s a universal dream to be loved, and when it comes to what kind of person that loves you, a girl can mention thousands of criterias of her Mr. Right. But looking at how my future will turn out, with stranger as the center of my universe in my day-to-day routine, i’m gonna throw all that McDreamy criterias to the dumpster. And i’d definitely trade that for one and only one criteria. I want to end up with someone who makes sure that i am standing on a solid ground. Someone that can be my solid ground. Solid ground that prevent me from falling into a hole of infinite end. Solid ground that gives me the understanding that falling is painful, and i have to mind my steps. I have to be cautious, i’ve fallen before, and it’s painful, i learned my mistakes, and i don’t wanna fall again. A solid ground is not supposed to work like fancy pillow that avoids you from feeling pain when you fall, cause then you won’t get any lesson to be learned. Unlike solid ground that reminds you how painful it is to fall, and it keeps you climb if you’re climbing, mind your steps if you’re walking, hold on tight if you’re about to fall, and stay strong even if you’re about to get swept away by the storm. You’re gonna get stronger and stronger each day. Yea, so instead of someone who functions like glucocorticocoids, someone who functions like a solid ground is way, way better.
I’ve always been so brave in dreaming. You know, like if you don’t dream then how come you’re gonna be able to shape your future exactly the way you want to? Cause every plan practically starts with a dream. I don’t know. I’m too scared to dream about something i wanna do after this. For now, i am qualified; i’m standing on a solid ground; but what if one day i wake up and i no longer have what it takes? You know, shit happens. And you can’t predict future. Shit happens.
People often mistaken between love and deep admiration, either way, you feel something about someone.
I love looking at someone who’s working his ass off to get what he wants. And when he finally gets to achieve it, i somehow get what it feels like —that amazing feeling where you can see the magic virtual colorful confetti around you. And that feels just amazing.
I can constantly fall in love with someone who has plans and targets, and has imaginations about what his future gonna be like, i personally think that, that kind of person is exceptionally attractive.
I can constantly hate someone who puts everything in the name of fate and say, “let God decide”, he doesn’t seem to have that fighting spirit that makes him looks actually more alive.
In short, i like someone who is ambitious, well planned, consistent, and long term thinker. I believe that he doesn’t have to be good at everything except that thing he’s fighting for.
For someone like that, i don’t mind going through all the distances just to see him, cause he’s worth it.
I believed that everyone can’t be divided into lucky and unlucky people. Cause i believe that luck has its own even composition and combination in each one of us. Jadi ada yang semua lucknya muncul sekaligus, like when someone wins a lottery, or one by one, drop by drop, like when you don’t have to wait too long in front of elevator, or when you can find a taxi in one go, etc.
But, one day, i met this guy. A guy with super bad luck. And this story is kinda funny.
Pas dia ke London buat liburan, tiba-tiba ada London riots.
Pas dia ke US, ada badai Sandy.
Pas dia ke Korea, dia harus extend 1 minggu bcs he was not allowed to leave South Korea due to war ultimatum from North Korea, jadi status siaganya dinaikin satu stage.
Pas dia ke Karimun Jawa, dia harus stay sampe 12 hari krn badai dan air pasang yang bikin gak ada kapal yang berlayar dari Pulau Jawa ke Pulau Karimun Jawa.
Dia mau kuliah pilot di UK, tapi tiba-tiba facultynya tutup, which means, he gotta find new major and university.
I don’t know how and still can’t understand how he’s able to survive those things, but he survived.
Well, maybe it’s his luck?
Not really sure :))