things i’m now craving for : getting into faculty of medicine in university of Indonesia class of 2012 ; Full moon party in Koh Phangan, Thailand ; luxurious prom gown ; and iPhone 4S with Sirri.
I wanted to tell you that you’ve already won before even began.
– Crazy Little Thing Called LoveI wanted to tell you that you’ve already won before you even began.
– Crazy Little Thing Called Loveplease, help.
I came to this point where i think i have to punish myself because i didnt fulfill their expectation. my best friend thinks this is not right. he said : “What do you go after, Beb? Do you feel happy when you fulfill the expectation? Everybody goes after happiness, if fulfilling all your targets and expectations makes you happy, then you should get punished. If not, it is weird that you feel that way.”
I don’t know. I’m just…not happy.
Phobia
Not everyone get to experience phobia. I am. The moment i saw a picture of female’s reproduction organs on a wide screen in front of me during a health seminar about cervix cancer, my heart started to beat faster. And all i remember was that i lost control of my body, i’m shaking, and my vision started to get black and blur, and the next thing i know is that i was being taken care of by a doctor. then i realized that that wasnt the first time i blacked out bcs of a portrait of reproduction organs, i blacked out too in junior high school. and this is kinda weird, bcs i used to joke around movie that contains ppl who are phobic of certain things. i thought they were too hyperbolic about their own fear. bcs all i believed is that fear is not something we cant control, and it turns out i was wrong.
I didnt believe that i was scared, and incepted an idea in my head saying that it was just something i felt outside and it wasnt all real. and the idea of having my feelings controlled by my own self. but the body didnt work cooperatively. i blacked out, i lost my consciousness. i’m scared. and i lost control of my own self.
It’s called hysteria that was caused by phobia. it’s my body who asked me to stop taking control or giving pressure. it asked me to listen to my body. i didn’t.
I hate Louie so much I could die watching him took Blair for granted. If I were Ziegesar I would definitely make him dead in the end of the story. period.
that’s Musee de Louvre, i usually found the pics on tumblr, then i visit it for real. i love Paris. Gonna post the eiffel photos, it’s gonna be legend-wait for it-dary. yay nay!
i have no idea
the boy said : you can’t control everything. and even if you can, everything will just end up the way it has to be, its too unreachable. you cant be a control freak forever.
and yeah, i couldnt agree more, but there’s a part of me, that says that the boy is not one hundred percent right, i cant let things go like this. i cant let my dreams fade. i just cant.
and somehow, i think there’s gotta be a twisted beginning for a better ending. He just trying to make this even more fun. But i trust Him anyway.
But then you go on Tumblr, and you see something different. You see girls buying clothes, cutting their hair, taking laxatives, starving themselves, doing anything to make themselves look thinner. They base their self-worth on a NUMBER projected on a man-made scale. And to be honest with you, it breaks my heart. Because I know that you CAN eat without feeling guilty, you CAN eat fattening food without punishing yourself afterwards. What the scale says is NOT the most important thing. Being thin is NOT more important than being healthy. Being thin and not eating are NOT signs of true will power and success. Screw what all these pro-ana blogs tell you. You don’t have to be thin to be attractive. You are perfectly okay just the way you are.
brett, you’re perfect.
boy, you really don’t have any idea.
Wooooottttt!
16 reblogs and 6 people tagged my posts as favorite, it really is something alias sesuatu banget, keep on reblogging my post, fellas! will be posting some more after this midterm test! ciao, bella!
About me
the standouts never get lost in the crowd.
